useless

There are times where I told myself that I am useless. When I have to do certain procedure repeatedly, when I failed to achieve my treatment aim for that day, when I failed to answer simple questions correctly, when all of sudden my logic left at home during the time I need it the most and when people make fun of my mistakes (yes I easily get offended, less sense of humor when I accidentally said or did wrong things).

During those times, I was on the verge of giving up. I considered some course like sewing or baking that I may enroll if I found myself failed to finish the challenging dental school. I also considered pursuing my passion, which is writing and maybe I can enroll myself in any literature course. Unfortunately, I once think that maybe its better to stop living when I was too scared to face the fearful reality.

But then there are people who prove that I am as useless as I thought. There are people who see kindness and positiveness in me. There are people who appreciates my small effort in proving my ability. There are people who directly and indirectly encourages me to move forward, though there are hiccups along the road.

" Its a better place since you came along," Better Place, Rachel Platten

Dear self, and for whoever experiencing their lowest point of life at this moment. You are used to yourself,  to your features that you sometimes failed to see the bright side of yours. Those are the sides that will automatically sparkle when you do things sincerely. For every cloud has a silver lining, hence when you stumbled while on your way to your goals, there must be something that will make you smile. There must be something that will give comfort to your tired soul. 

Give yourself time to lick your battle wound. Don't stop yourself from crying, because sometimes the only way to appreciate joy is to experience sadness (Inside Out).

You have Him. When you cry in your sujood, imagine that you are crying on your mom's lap while telling her things you are disappointed of. Tell Him that you are not strong and you need Him to be strong enough to bear the test you are going through. And ask Him to help you go through it and ease the journey.

So, you are not useless. In fact you are needed by everyone in your life, though they may seems dont need you. But live your life so that your presence is needed and your absence is missed by them.

=)